Social resilience starts with good emotional skills: These are the ones around recognising that once we feel put down or bullied the emotions we feel make it almost impossible to follow the main bits of advice we’re given – to ignore bullying, stand up for ourselves or tell someone!

Realising that emotions always come before logic helps us to make sense of why we find these particular pieces of advice difficult. The good news is that, in extensive testing, after children and teenagers learned the Lovegrove Approach, ignoring minor bullying, telling about serious bullying, and standing up to bullying behaviours became a whole lot easier! Result!

FIRST OF ALL! When we feel stressed (and we do when we feel bullied) there are all sorts of physical changes such as heart beat gets faster, breathing more shallow, energy goes to arms and legs so we can either run away or fight back! We are, literally, easy to knock over. So take a deep breath, think to yourself "I CAN COPE WITH THIS" and push that feeling out through your feet as you breathe right out, imagining huge roots that spread out and root you to the floor. Do it again...and NOW you're ready to tackle the logical stuff!

Our feelings of self-worth determine how others treat us... 
1. It’s easy to experiment with how our feelings of self-worth affect our facial expressions, our body language and our behaviour. Interestingly, what happens is that when we feel bad about ourselves it gives out subtle visual clues to others about how to treat us. Those of us who feel less confident are an easy target for bullying. The Lovegrove Approach describes simple ways of changing negative feelings to positive ones by concentrating on one good thing about a skill we have, an aspect of our personality and our appearance. Positive self-worth leads to positive facial expressions, body language and behaviour - which changes not only how we feel about ourselves but, equally importantly, how others view us and treat us!

2. Using the same process it’s possible to examine how our feelings about others affect what happens where there is confrontation. Total hatred of someone who has humiliated you may be understandable - but it will give out clear signals which are likely to escalate that confrontation! Being able to recognise even ONE genuinely positive thing about others not only changes our facial expression, body language and behaviour, it make it far more likely that we will sort things out successfully!

Social skills: 

  • Be assertive – taking charge of the conversation so that only the stupid comment is ignored, but not the bully.
  • Be humorous - lighten the tension with a joke against yourself - rather than make it worse by using sarcasm towards the bully!
  • Always, but always look your best for being confident enough to carry it through. Decide how you want to look and go for it! Get professional advice if you can afford it or you're not sure!
  • Choice: Having a choice of strategies hugely increases self-confidence.  

    • WARNING: This is NOT a quick fix approach! to be successful YOU will have to work at it. BUT once you have you will never look back!!/DefuseBullying

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